25. What Are We Actually Aiming At? Setting Goals That Shape Who You Become

What are we actually aiming at? Goals are a good servant but a terrible master, and we need a mission before we need a goal. Discipline without a target is just motion with no direction. What SMART goals actually mean, why review and adjustment matter more than the goal itself, and a challenge to set one goal in four areas together, spiritual, physical, family, and work. Success was never measured by what we accumulate. It's measured by who we're becoming.

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Transcript

Welcome Back And Goal Mindset

Devin 0:10

Welcome to the Uncommon Man Podcast. We are your host. I'm Devin Jeffries alongside a very good friend of mine, Mr. John Pierce. How's it going today, bud? It's going pretty good, man. It's good to be here with you again. It is. We always enjoy doing it.

Jon 0:24

So fun fact, you might notice we skipped a week. Oopsie doodles. Well, technically we didn't skip a week. We're not gonna skip a week. Long story short, we're we're we recorded this episode already last week, and for reasons that I will not disclose, it it did not get posted. Um to no fault of Minor Devon's. But no. Anyway, we're doing it we're it doesn't matter. We're doing it again.

Devin 0:51

We're here. Uh today's episode, we kind of wanted to piggyback uh a little bit off of what we discussed in last week. And we what we wanted to do was kind of go through uh the different types of goals. Um, what are what's good, what's wrong uh about them, and then uh maybe some things that you can do to help in your spiritual walk to be able to set better goals, goals that you actually hit. Um, and maybe you don't know how to go, maybe you don't know how to set goals. Uh this episode, I believe, will help you to do that. So grab a pen and some paper, take some notes. This is gonna be a good one. Um the biggest thing I think that we have to remember about goals is this goals are good servants, but they're terrible masters. Yeah. A man has got to have a mission before he needs a goal.

Jon 1:43

It's a tool.

Devin 1:43

Yeah.

Jon 1:44

It's a tool.

Devin 1:45

Because here's the thing uh the goals matter, but here I I think men chase the wrong things. I think if you were to look back and go uh over a failed season or a failed situation in your in your life, at some point in time, the eyes on the prize, so to speak, fell off. And uh we ch we tend to chase the wrong thing. You know, I I kind of like to equate goals and you and I both barf at them like we hate them. Um but it is every January goals. No, no, no, no, no. Listen to me uh talking about in in January when men set goals. Uh it and here's the thing New Year's resolutions.

Jon 2:26

New Year's resolutions goals are one thing, and if you want to use the new year as a fresh beginning to set a goal by all means, go for it. That's one thing. Yeah the typical New Year's resolution, not just it's terrible, man.

Devin 2:40

But here's the thing. I do think that there is a place for them. I do think that it's been something that has been uh way overplayed and overdone because the reality is by February, most everybody's quit.

Jon 2:54

Yeah.

Devin 2:55

I forget what quitting Friday is. It's like the is it like the second Friday in February or something like that? I don't even know if they make it that long, man. I don't know. I don't remember. I just remember going to the gym and uh I started a gym membership in um in December of last year, and there was like nobody there. I mean, it was crickets when you walked in. January, it was like old school Black Friday shopping. You know what I'm talking about? People used to just like absolutely sucker punch each other, old ladies were getting pushed down, grandpa's hitting everybody with his cane. Like, I mean, it was did you ever do that? Did you ever were you ever a part of that?

Jon 3:35

On Black Friday shopping?

Devin 3:36

Yeah, like like like I mean, like but busting the doors down.

Jon 3:39

No, I've seen it. Yeah, I've never participated.

Devin 3:43

Dude, I used to go with no uh I've so I've been once with one of our one of our senior pastors, Brandon Matthews. I've been with him, he brought his camera and he recorded and probably could make some money off of that.

Jon 3:56

I just went to people watching.

Devin 3:57

I'm just saying, yeah, he really did. Um but if you've listened to our our podcast for a while, one of the things that you know that John and I are big on is discipline. And and while discipline is a great thing, the reality is it's not enough. Yeah, if you have to have something to apply the discipline to. If you exactly, in other words, this if you don't know what you're aiming at. Right. If you don't know what you're aiming at, uh you have no business being there.

Jon 4:23

Right. And you also can't have just empty goals. Like, I want to make a million dollars. Yeah, okay, but why? Yeah. Like, that's not a it's not a bad goal to have, but if there's not a mission behind that, like, what do I need this million dollars for? Just to say I have it, that's not a good goal. Do you remember back when you were little?

Devin 4:41

Like, I mean, like, think of your first job, right? And you got you got that first paycheck, and you're like, dude, I'm freaking loaded. There wasn't a care in the world. And then now you make air quote big boy money, and you're married and you have a big boy house and a big boy job and all this other stuff, and you're like, I'm stressed the max out. You're like, can I just go back to having nothing? More money, more problems. Definitely the truth. Um, but let me ask you this question because I I've gotten I I've got my own answer here, but why do you think so many men abandon goals?

Mission Beats Empty Goals

Jon 5:18

I I think they mostly get abandoned because there's no purpose behind them. Like they don't have a reason for even having the goal. Or it's there could there could be a bunch of different reasons, really. Like in some cases, I think you should have, I think your goals should be lofty, but in some cases maybe it's too lofty, or maybe it was just a dumb goal to begin with.

Devin 5:43

Yeah, and and and that's okay, right? It's it's okay that that at times we have set forth goals for ourselves that looking back you go, yeah, that was a dumb idea, man.

Jon 5:54

Yeah. As long as you recognize it and own up and own it, like that was that wasn't good. Let's try again.

Devin 6:00

Yeah, exactly. Take two. Uh, there was one of the things that like I remember setting forth a goal uh whenever I was a teenager, and I looking back, I I couldn't tell you what it what it was, because honestly, I don't remember. Um, I think it probably to buy a car or something like that. Um, because my dad had told me that he would match whatever I had saved up uh to help me buy my first car. I think that may have been it. And um I remember saving up a thousand bucks. This was it. I remember saving up a thousand bucks, which as a 16-year-old is you know, that's that's tough to do. And my dad was goes, You got two thousand dollars? Like, you got your thousand plus my thousand. He goes, 'You got two thousand dollars?' And I went, Yeah. And he goes, How far you want this car to take you? And I was like, I don't know, wherever I want to go.

Jon 6:52

And he goes, You might want to double that, bud. I got a job and I wasn't 18, so my dad had to sign for it, but I paid for it.

Devin 7:00

My mom and dad would not do that. No way. In fact, that was my thing. My my dad's saying, he was like, I'm not co-signing along for you.

Jon 7:07

And I was like, I got it from the place I worked at. It wasn't like a they checked out.

Devin 7:14

Did you sell cars?

Jon 7:15

No, I sold a set of rims. It was like a shop that had a few cars out front. Please tell me they were spinners. No, no, they they weren't. They came off a Cadillac. Well, yeah, so they probably were then. You found out afterwards they were cracked. I didn't know that.

Devin 7:28

A butt. Yeah. All right. Um, I I I think I think one of the reasons that that men tend to abandon goals is that they they're not how how am I trying to say this? Um they I don't I don't there's there's wanting something, and then there's wanting something so bad you can't stand it. Okay. So what I'm getting at is I I heard it put this way, you'll and I've said it before on this podcast, I believe, you'll never achieve the things you want for your life until you want it as bad as you want to breathe. Yeah, that's true. And so I think I think to me, like I I reality is I don't think people want it bad enough. Like you've got to want to go get it.

Jon 8:12

Yeah. But some whatever it is. Again, if it's just making a million dollars for the sake of making a million dollars, it's not really.

Devin 8:22

Yeah, and reality is you don't you don't need to make a million dollars. Like, I mean, money makes life easier, sure, but it doesn't make life. And that actually is kind of the next question. Why do you think successful people, successful men, uh in specifics, still feel empty? Because they're hold on, define successful. That's fair. That's uh yeah. Uh I would probably to define the success level, I would I would have to go the money aspect, uh, but that doesn't necessarily make you successful.

Jon 8:53

Is that what you're talking about?

Devin 8:54

Yeah, I think that's kind of where I was going with that.

Jon 8:56

But the CEOs, the the big the people that appear successful on the outside. Yes. Why does it have a lot of things? Why do they still feel empty? Why do some of them probably most of them still feel empty? Yes. Because well, there's probably a few reasons. There could be a few reasons specific to the particular person, but they're dedicating their entire lives to their job for maybe it's for a good cause. Maybe they work for a phenomenal company. I don't know.

Devin 9:30

But and I think that there's there's definite truth that I'm not.

Jon 9:33

Maybe they're doing really good. Maybe they're doing really good in the world. I don't know. But if they're the CEO of whatever bank and if they still feel empty, it's probably because they spend all of their time at work pursuing money. They walk into a house where nobody knows them.

Devin 9:50

Yeah. Uh I I think it's because they're not men of substance. They're they're they're a hollow shell. Yeah. On the outside, everything looks great, but on the inside, I think I think they're broken.

Jon 10:02

Again, this isn't the node, but that's not I'm everybody. No. That's not everybody. But this the stereotypical person that we're talking

Nehemiah And Purposeful Planning

Jon 10:10

about.

Devin 10:10

And here's I think everybody kind of understands it's we see goals uh outlined in scripture very plainly. Uh, you know, one of the first persons I I thought of was Nehemiah. Uh Nehemiah, he had a God-given burden, he had a clear plan, he had specific timelines that he had to meet, right? He had he delegated very well. Um and then he and then he prayed throughout. Because if you remember, if you're not familiar with the story of Nehemiah, uh he was told he had to build a wall, but they could only work during the day. So there was guidelines. And it it there were certain, I'm not going to break down the entire story, go read it. Um, but there were certain uh hindrances of things that they were dealing with, and the reality was Nehemiah had goals that he had to hit in order to achieve success of the mission.

Jon 11:08

Sounds like a really good project manager.

Devin 11:12

Probably was.

Jon 11:13

Um that's quite literally what that is. Um would you have him be a project manager for you? I would. I would. I mean, yeah. Maybe I could learn a thing or two, make my life easier.

Devin 11:26

Probably so. Yeah, that's right. Um, but the reality is faith and planning are not opposites, they're actually synonymous. Uh so planning out your goals, uh, aligning them with your faith is extremely important because this is kind of my first point for you guys. Every man is chasing something.

Jon 11:46

Yeah, whether you realize it or not, you're chasing something.

Devin 11:50

You're chasing after something. Everybody has goals, even the man who says he doesn't. Every person I think is aiming for comfort, they're aiming for money, respect.

Jon 12:00

If somebody if somebody says they don't have any goals, well, for one, I would probably stay away from that person.

Devin 12:07

No, I would, because I'm like, you're you're not going to No, get closer, have conversations and help them.

Jon 12:14

Uh well, okay, fine them, Pastor John. I will. But uh don't like be best friends with them, maybe, but whatever. If they say that they're maybe don't seek advice from them. The thing that they're chasing is being comfortable and coasting through life.

Devin 12:27

Exactly. Yeah, that's exactly right. If they say they have none, you're addicted to comfort is what that is. You're addicted to pleasure, uh, you're addicted to security. And here's the reality maybe maybe you're addicted to God. So if that's your goal, if if your goal is to uh because everybody's aiming at something, right? So if we're aiming at God and we're saying, I want to be 1% closer to being like Jesus tomorrow than I was today.

Jon 12:58

Why not ten percent?

Devin 12:59

Okay, fine, Pastor John. It's it it's there I'm just saying like aim aim for the stars made at the moon. Right. The question though is not if you have goals, it's who or what you're serving. Because reality is everybody is serving something.

Jon 13:13

Everybody is serving something. Or someone. Even if you don't know what it is.

Devin 13:21

Yeah, uh you still are. Exactly. I think of Proverbs 2918, right, where there is no vision. There's no vision, there's no clear outline, there's no clear plan.

Jon 13:32

Uh uh people are gonna perish. You coast through life, things get messy, everything gets all jumbled up, nothing makes any sense. And then men tend to drift. Yeah, you tend to just say, Well, this is my life, and you just kind of go with the flow.

Devin 13:48

All right. You have to know. I think what we're both getting at here, though, you everybody has to know your why.

Jon 13:56

Why do you give a crap? Rephrase that. Everyone doesn't have to know your why. Everyone should know their own why. Okay, thank you.

Devin 14:04

Men drift without purpose. Whenever they don't have a purpose behind what they're doing, they're gonna drift. They're essentially a a log floating in the ocean. Yep. You're gonna go wherever that ocean is gonna take you. You have to know your why. You have to know why I am gonna do this, why are my feet hitting the bed in the morning or hitting the floor in the morning? Yeah. Why is uh why is giving God the first 20 minutes of my day, the first 30 minutes of my day important? Five minutes for crying out loud. Right. So why you have to know your why in order to achieve the things that you want, because drifting is truthfully the default setting.

Jon 14:42

Yeah, that's what you're if you don't if you don't have anything you're aiming at, you're just you're just gonna drift. You're gonna hit whatever.

Devin 14:49

And it doesn't matter. I I I would say this, it it does not matter in most cases, the kind of day, the kind of week, the kind of whatever you've had.

Jon 15:00

Yeah.

Devin 15:01

Oh, sorry, I was cutting you off. Good. No, no, no, no, you're fine. But what I was gonna say was we quit way too soon. We can go so much further than we think we can. And the reality is there's that I used to have a trainer, now I won't use the word that he used, but he called it a uh a bee voice. Maybe I'll let you translate that. But he said, Devin, you have to push push past the B voice. Because that voice is going to make you not hit a single one of your goals that you want. And I'll never forget he made me go further, probably, than any trainer ever has.

Jon 15:40

The I think this analogy makes sense. A little bit like a little bit like archery. So everybody has goals, everybody's shooting an arrow. Some people are aiming at a target, and some people are just you're still shooting arrows, but whether they hit anything or not. Or the wrong thing. They could you could very easily hit the wrong thing too.

Devin 16:03

Yeah. I mean, I think back to you know, putting on the armor of God every day. Right? Sometimes those arrows are still gonna get through as life happens. Like life still happens. Um not saying that life is bigger than than the armor of God, but what I'm saying is I'd rather have that than absolutely none whenever it comes to the arrows aspect. That's what that's where I'm going with that. So putting on putting on God's armor first of every single day. Drifting is the default setting of a man, though. Knowing your why.

Jon 16:34

Yeah, so we have to have a mission. We have to we have to figure out what we're aiming at before we start setting goals to achieve whatever that is. So think of it like having a big goal and then creating other goals in order to meet that. You have projects earlier. You have this project you have to do. If you're building a house, you have to the goal number one, foundation. Goal number two, I don't whatever. I don't know how to build a house, but you get the point. You you do it in steps. Yeah, I mean So you have to have the the mission is building the house. Our first goal is the foundation.

Devin 17:16

Yeah. I think it's funny you say that behind us is studs from the room I'm building around us. Um uh yeah, I mean that the exactly right.

Jon 17:26

Right, but a lot of times we go in the reverse order. Like we want mission before the house, we want the house to be built so badly that we don't have anything under it. I believe I'm using the wrong analogy here. Probably talking about something else, but you get the point. Yeah, I think we have to know why we're doing any of these things we do. If I want to make a million dollars, great. What are you gonna do with that? I want to make a million dollars because I want to be able to help other people more. Then making a million dollars is probably a good goal.

Devin 17:57

People ask, you know, how much money do I want? How much should I be able to bench press? How far should I be able to run? Whatever, how big should the house be? I can't quite do that, but I'm I'm not far. I'm only about 45 pounds. Well, if you keep losing weight, it'll be easier. Thanks, John. Is that how that works? I had no idea. I'm just saying, it's less than if you lose more, you won't have to bench more. Who'd have thought it? You're so smart, anyways. Um instead, we could all we can all ask, who has God called us to become?

Jon 18:35

Right. The it's like a a kingdom mindset. Like what what does God want us to be here? Sorry, let me rephrase that. What what is God's purpose for my life? What does he want me to do? What is what is the what is the reason I'm on this planet? And it may not be one thing. Yeah, because if you're uh if you are married and have a family, that's that's one of the reasons you're on this planet. Yeah. But there's there's more for almost everyone listening, any anyone listening to this, I can guarantee you there's probably more out there for you.

Devin 19:16

You know, I I said uh last night in the uh in our fatherhood small group that our our goals uh or our job, our mission, so to speak, is to not uh not just raise successful children, that our mission is to raise godly followers of Christ. That that that's that that's the goal. It's not it's not successful children. Your job as a parent is to raise disciples.

Jon 19:46

And uh you know and also teach them to be self-sufficient.

Devin 19:49

Right. So so set the goal though. So so if the if the mission is to raise disciples, missions determine goals, not the other way around. You know, so if the mission then is to glorify God, then the goals would be maybe to read scripture daily, date your spouse, be debt-free, lose weight, etc. So that's what I mean whenever I say to define the mission first and then the goals.

Four Goal Areas For Men

Jon 20:20

So four areas, the number three here, four areas every man needs goals. The first one being Can I back you up real quick?

Devin 20:33

Yeah, let me let me back you up before before we go into those four areas. If if we're talking about mission before goals, the goals are simply measuring steps towards the measure towards the mission, measurable steps towards the mission. Because without the mission, the goals simply become idols. If you're not willing and you're not able to see how the m how the goals are going to affect the mission, the goals will just become an idol.

Jon 21:03

So again, chasing chasing money, chasing whatever, whatever it is. I feel like most of the time people that don't have good goals, like money is probably one of their goals. That's why I keep referencing that. Yeah. Alright, so anyways, the four areas. The first one being spiritual.

Devin 21:31

Yeah, so questions simple, like, Am I closer to Christ than I was last year? Asking yourself, you know, am I leading my my family better spiritually? That was one of the goals that admittedly, as a uh as a husband early on in my marriage and and as a father, that I really struggled in was leading my family spiritually. I wasn't entirely sure what that looked like uh and what to do about that. And so it was something that I I prayed earnestly about and I just asked the Lord to teach me and to to. To direct me on how to do that. And the biggest thing that I found was to pray with my wife and my kids.

Jon 22:07

Right. I mean that that's step one.

Devin 22:11

If you're not doing that, do that. Yeah. The second thing was to be consistent. So that was the mission. If the mission was to be a better spiritual leader for my family, then the goals was to pray with my kids at least three nights a week.

Jon 22:23

Right. And even if it became every night. Right. Even if it's not related to your family. Like you should still have, if you don't have a family, if you're single, uh, you should still have some type of spiritual goal. Like, where am I lacking? What could I do better? Because are tell me this, are you perfect in your spiritual life? No. Heck no, Mike. I guarantee you, every person on this planet, the answer is no. So how could you be better?

Devin 22:48

Yeah, I mean, and here's the thing. I I think for some reason though, what people have done is they've equated things like church attendance and Bible reading to spiritual goals. And what's happened is they feel guilt and shame when they don't achieve it. And the reality is that's never what God intended out of that. That was never the whole thought process.

Jon 23:13

No, it was never a relationship with you. No. And that's all he cares about. If you don't read your Bible regularly, or if you don't go to church regularly, maybe that's a good gold habit.

Devin 23:21

Yes, but but what I'm getting at though is it doesn't mean that if if you read, if you read your Bible five days a week and I read mine three days a week, it doesn't mean that you're closer to the Lord than I am. And the problem is a lot of people tend to think like that. Well, I don't read my Bible every single day. God must be mad at me. That's why this happened. No. When the reality is, you've just okay, so you fell short of the of that goal that day. Guess what the Bible says about falling short? It says all men have fallen short in sinned. All. Everybody. All of us. Yeah. It doesn't mean just men. Yeah. All of us. Have fallen short of the glory of God. This uh the the second one, I think, another area that that men tend to fail at that with physical.

Jon 24:08

So I think having a good physical goal is important at a minimum to be able to do whatever it is God has called you to do. At a minimum. If God has called you to stand up and speak to people, if you're I don't know, if you're if you're not taking care of yourself and you physically can't do that, that's a problem. If you're smoking all the time and you get emphysema and can't talk, and you're talking through one of you know one of those things people hold up to their throat.

Devin 24:43

The guy what was it the guy in the commercial or something like that that had to like put his fingers over the hole in his throat? Yeah, just to be able to talk.

Jon 24:52

Oh so that's not taking care of yourself.

Devin 24:54

That's gotta be oh man, prayers for them. That's gotta be awful.

Jon 24:58

Probably. But that you're not taking care of yourself.

Devin 25:01

Yeah. I met one guy one time that had that, and he said, uh, I was like, man, I'm so sorry. And he goes, Don't be, I do this myself. Hey, at least he knows. Yeah, like he owned, he owned every bit of it. The body's a stewardship. The body, I'm sorry, the body is a stewardship issue, not a vanity issue.

Jon 25:21

Yeah. Yeah. So we're not we're not we're not saying have physical hop physical goals so you look good with your shirt off at the beach. I mean, if you want to do that, sure, go for it. But the the the point is is to steward what the Lord has given us. And your body is one of those one of the things the Lord's given you.

Devin 25:42

In other words, don't be the insanely large guy in the speedo at the beach. Please God.

Jon 25:49

If you need to see that, nobody needs to see that.

Devin 25:52

Yeah, listen, I have seen that one time, and I was just like, Father place.

Jon 26:01

Please don't. Yeah, and maybe like you you recover when you sleep. Maybe if you're not sleeping enough, you're not sleeping regularly enough.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

Yeah.

Jon 26:11

Like I've this uh this whoop strap, this thing has helped me with my sleep tremendously because it told me where I was going where I was going wrong.

Devin 26:22

Dude, I was gonna I so I wore it right. I I did the three-month trial thingy. Um, and then my thing is I was like, dude, that's an insanely expensive subscription.

Jon 26:32

It is. It is, it is expensive. Like father in heaven.

Devin 26:36

Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Jon 26:38

It's it is ridiculous. I don't know if I'll if I'll renew mine. I didn't buy it. It was bought for me. Yeah, it was a gift. Exactly. But mine was too, but uh like I already had the whole year paid for, so I'm like, all right, deal. I'm gonna wear it for a year. I've been wearing it for like five months, and it's it immediately I was like, wow, I suck at sleeping. Oh no, Sam's that would exp that would explain why you're tired of why I'm tired sometimes. Why you're a grumpy bear most time. Try going through a day on like 13% recovery.

Devin 27:06

Yeah. Imagine that. Who to fuck it?

Jon 27:09

I'm just like physical goals. All right.

Devin 27:10

That makes sense. Uh number three. Uh sorry. Number three. Is that you or me? I don't know. Family. Family. Yeah. Um I here's the this is probably one of my biggest markers for the success of a man. Um I I it it is not what you do at work. It is not how much money you make. It is how you are at home. Many men crush at work, but they fail at home. The reality is what's happening is you're giving your boss and people that you don't even like more attention than you do your spouse.

Jon 27:48

Absolutely. You touch your phone more than you do.

Devin 27:51

Yeah. You touch your phone more than you do your spouse.

Jon 27:55

Now, don't go feeling up on your wife constantly because you're like, well, I have my phone in my hand constantly. Let me put that down and go. Like, don't do that.

Devin 28:05

Maybe their wife likes it, all right?

Jon 28:07

So if they want to think about it, you have your phone in your hand 24-7, just about a lot of people do. If you have your phone in your hand 24-7, maybe. Don't you tell me you wouldn't want to keep your hands in your wife for 24 hours? Probably gonna get slapped at some point. I think your wife would slap you just for fun. It might be, it might be it might be great for like five minutes, and then she's gonna be like, All right, get off me. You know?

Devin 28:28

Britney actually has um what she deems appropriate cuddle times. So I don't want to no, no, no, no, this ain't this thing. I don't want to know. No, no, so so in other words, like like very, very simply, um, when we both lay down to go to sleep, like that's cuddle time, that's cool. But then after one of us has gone to sleep, no, she brush, she goes to her side of the bed, I go to my side of the bed and it's a good night. I'll see you in the morning. Right. But do not try and cuddle in the morning. That is not an appropriate cuddle time. So that's what I mean whenever I say that. But, anyways, um, your goals for the for for being for winning at home could look things like uh maybe maybe a date night uh every other week. Every week.

Jon 29:11

Uh every week if you can. Yeah, I know that that can be that's nearly impossible for me sometimes. I try to do one at least every other week. Um, because normally we have at least a day every other weekend that we're they were kid free. But even if you don't have that, find a way. Find a way.

Devin 29:31

Find people that will watch your regrets.

Jon 29:35

There there's somebody. There's somebody somewhere. And if you're like, well, babysitters are expensive, is it is it divorces are more expensive. I'll tell you that. Divorce is more expensive than babysitters.

Devin 29:47

So yeah, I mean, you're not wrong, bud. You're not wrong. Um, one-on-one time with your kids, family devotions. And then I said it earlier, put your phone away at work, or when you're not at work, put your stag on the phone away. I've I've talked about this numerous times to many different guys. Uh, and one of the common things that I hear in um marriage uh assessments or or or whatever is I feel like he's emotionally unavailable. And it's and it's literally because he's given all of his emotion to the internet, to the phone, to people he doesn't even like at work. So he comes home and he's got nothing left to give but leftovers. Let me tell you something, guys. Your wife and kids don't deserve your leftovers, they deserve your best. The reality is you're typically giving your work your best and your family the leftovers.

Jon 30:34

It's a good question. Ask your you get asked yourself if your family had to describe you in a word, what would it be?

Devin 30:42

Man, go ask your 10-year-old. If you had to describe daddy in one word, what would it be? Ask your wife. Yeah, ask your wife. I I have a I have a friend of mine, he's uh uh he's a pastor. He said that uh he did that with his nine-year-old, and uh his nine-year-old answered, busy. That was his one word, and he said, What do you mean? And he said, Dad, you're always working, dad, you're always on your phone. He said, Dude, when I walk in the door, it is set that his phone goes in do not disturb, and there's only three people on the face of God's earth that can get to him.

Jon 31:14

And if if you're single and you don't have a family, so you can't ask that question, ask yourself this. One day, when I do have a family, how do I want them to describe it? What do I want them to say about it? What word, what word would I want them to say about me? Yeah, that's good. That's a that's a mission right there. That's good, yeah. That's a mission. And then how do how do I get to that? When I have a family, what can I do to make them think this about me? You're not manipulating anybody here. I'm not saying manipulate them into thinking that you're thinking that you're somebody you're not, but how do I become that person?

Devin 31:50

Yeah, go to your best friend. If you're single, go to your best friend. Go ask them. Because here's the thing, if they're truly your best friend, they're gonna tell you what you don't want to hear. Yeah.

Jon 31:58

Now, if you're single and you you you've got nothing in the world other than yourself and your job and a few friends, stay busy. Stack up cash, go for it, buddy. But I mean, if you you can't that can't just be your goal.

Devin 32:16

Exactly. Number four. For the fourth ways that men. Sorry. Um I'm not sorry. We forgot. We forgot to be able to get the four. The four areas that every man needs goals. The four areas.

Jon 32:33

The fourth one here. The fourth area, yes. Work and finances. Sorry, it's guys, listen, it's been a day. All right, pause, cut. All right, and number four, work and finances. We've already kind of been into the ground.

Devin 32:49

But here's the thing uh that that I think needs to be reiterated. Work and money matter, but in the reality is at the end of it, they're just tools. Yeah, you can't take your money with you. The the goals are are tools to begin with, but you know, like I think back to there there was a a situation here recently with me, my dad, and my brother that we were all going to go on this trip, uh, kind of a once-in-a-lifetime type trip. And my dad's aging, right? Uh, we're but we were gonna go, and it was going to cost uh quite a bit of money. And I remember going to my wife, my wife said, Now do it. Like, absolutely do it. And I'm going, Do you understand how much money this is? She goes, Yeah, but it's just money. And I'm like, ha, that's hilarious. Guess what? Guess who wants the money? The mortgage people. Guess who wants it? Alabama power. All right, like those type things. And I will never forget my dad, who I mean, between he's retired, so right, he's earned his dues, he's paid his dues, so to speak. He gets to live the sweet life now. Um, but my dad was like, man, that's a lot. You know what I could do with that money? You know what I could do, blah, blah, blah. And I turn around and I and I just I don't know where this came from, but I just looked at him and I said, Dad, you're gonna spend that money anyways. Why not spend it on making core memories that you'll never have another opportunity to make? You're going to spend that money no matter what. Number one. Number two, why not do it with those that you love? And an option to be able and an added bonus to be able to do it with your sons.

Jon 34:30

I do not take that as, you know what? I'm behind on all of my bills, and I can't pay my money. Be a good steward of your money. But we're going to Disneyland anyways to make core memories.

Devin 34:40

Don't be a bubbo, right? Go, go, listen, handle your finances, be smart, and be a good steward about your money. But it the situation then resolved it. Uh I said, you can't take your money with you to heaven, man. Yeah. All right, yeah. Okay, you want to leave some behind for the wife and the kids? Great. Guess what they're gonna do? Spend it. Why don't you get to live and enjoy the money for a little bit? You see what I'm saying? So that's what I'm saying. Listen, they're just tools. Uh, if if the goal uh and the or the mission is to become debt-free, to increase your income, build a business, save more for retirement, whatever. All that could they're they're great goals, but you should never let work replace your family. You see what I'm saying? Like don't no. Don't many, many, way too many men.

Jon 35:32

They're married to the job. Indeed. All right, we've beaten that horse to death. All right, so at the end here, four reasons why men fail

Why Men Miss Their Goals

Jon 35:44

at their goals. These are not the only four reasons. These are just four of the top reasons that we thought of.

Devin 35:51

Yeah. I think I think the first one is very, very simple. There's too many.

Jon 35:59

Yeah, it can it can you you can very easily, very quickly, especially really ambitious people, they can very quickly be like, I can do this and this and this and this. And you very quickly you're like, I can't do all these things. I need to chill. You need to you need to simplify it. Trying to change everything can sometimes mean changing absolutely. Jordan Peterson talks about cleaning your room. I don't know, I don't remember the exact uh day. He had sure. But he had he had a a guy that he's a clinical psychologist. He had a guy guy that I don't know, lived with his mom, something. But the the first step was him being able to clean his room. He could not, for whatever reason, mental problems, whatever it was, could not bring himself to even clean up his room. So he's like, do do one thing, start here, make make your bed, vacuum the floor, pick the stuff up off the floor, whatever it was, right? And then eventually you so so on and so forth from there. But if you look at your life and you're like, my life is a complete wreck. I need to fix all of it right now. Guess what you're gonna do?

Devin 37:08

You're not gonna fix any of it.

Jon 37:09

You're gonna fail. Find the most important things that need to be fixed, prioritize all the things in your life, like we talked about last week or two weeks ago, whatever. Prioritize those things in your life. And if there's things that don't belong there, get rid of them.

Devin 37:27

Yeah. Maybe there's people that belong there or or that don't belong there.

Jon 37:31

Yeah, don't go just writing people off out willy-nilly.

Devin 37:34

No, but the reality is there are some people that are in your life that fact of the matter is don't need to be. Right. They're not gonna help you achieve the goals that you have for your life. That's true. That's what I'm saying. Trying to fix everything all at once um typically leads to m more and more stuff getting broken. So the number one reason, in my opinion, people fail at the goals. They have too many. Simplify this.

Jon 37:58

And the second one is there's no accountability. Every every uncommon man, we need brothers. Um, not if you don't have a brother, if you if you grew up in a house full of girls, I'm sorry. But thank you. I'm just kidding.

Devin 38:15

That's your life. Wait, well, wait, no, that's my life now.

Jon 38:18

I grew up with uh with two brothers and a sister. Well, that's your life now, anyways. You you've gotta have somebody to help you stay accountable, some some way to be accountable for not achieving your goals. Because if if you fail at something, uh that sucks. You sucked at that. Figure out why you sucked and get up and suck less next time, right? You need somebody to be able to tell you that. I used to have a shirt that said suck less. Like, how can I do this and suck less at it next time?

Devin 38:48

Yeah.

Jon 38:49

That's right. How can I how can I achieve this goal? And you need you need this there's one reason that's a reason a lot of people have gym buddies. Yeah. Because if left up to their own devices, they're not gonna go. Or they're gonna halfway work out or whatever. But if you have somebody there with you, even if neither one of you want to be doing this right now, yeah, you're going to because if you both are holding each other accountable.

Devin 39:17

Yeah, that's right. Uh reason number three, uh, that men tend to fail at the girls, they rely on motivation. Uh, I can identify with this one. This is one of the reasons that I got to the size that I was. I relied on motivation. Here's the problem motivation fades, and discipline has to remain. You know, I used to have uh, I mean, I still have it, and every now and then I go back through and I'll watch them just every so often. But it's uh a safe collection of Instagram reels of just motivation because there's some of them that I look at and I go, you know what, that's actually really true. And then there's other ones that I look at and I go, I don't I don't know if I necessarily buy that.

Jon 40:00

I knew a guy, this dude was ripped, like lived in the gym. Thanks, John, but you don't have to talk about my yeah. I went to the gym with him several times. Like we went to the gym together several times there for a period, and every single time he went to the gym, he would watch some Arnold Schwarzenegger um motivational videos. Dude, some of them are really motivational. Like every I've I've watched he had me watching them with him one time, and the whole time I'm sitting there like, what are we doing? But I'll tell you, after about five minutes of this, I was like, let's do it. Like this, yeah.

Devin 40:37

Let's go rhythm brick wall.

Jon 40:40

But you can't you can't just rely on on motivation. That was like a that was that was him taking his pre-workout on top of his pre-workout. But you you can't rely on motivation. Like motivation's gonna get you absolutely nowhere, it's gonna get you destroyed, is what it's gonna do. Get you three steps forward and five steps back. Exactly.

Devin 41:01

Number four. What is the number four?

Jon 41:03

Quit after failure. Like I said a minute ago. Failure is not the end of it. I don't maybe I didn't say that a minute ago, but when you fail, you're like, okay, I sucked at that somehow. How did I suck? Let's figure that out. Let me go suck less. Failure's not final.

Devin 41:22

That's what you're saying. Failure's not final here. Here's quite literally what I just said. Yeah. Word for word.

unknown 41:28

Okay.

Devin 41:29

Um here's one of the things that changed that I changed how I view uh failure is it's feedback. Now I know where I where I suck. Now I know where I need to be better. So failure is not final, it's feedback.

Jon 41:43

Right. So how do we build better goals? Yep. How do we build them? Instead of saying something like, I want to get in shape. That's not that's not a goal. Uh let's let's say I'm gonna I'm gonna lift goals this many days of the week, and it's gonna be goals.

Devin 42:03

You just said lift goals. I'm gonna lift one goal.

Jon 42:06

My goal could be I'm I'm gonna lift this many days. I'm gonna lift the week if it's the gym. If it's the gym, I'm gonna work out this many days of the week. Yeah, this is my plan. This is specifically how I'm gonna do it. Don't overload yourself for the love of God. Don't spend two weeks trying to find the perfect workout plan. It doesn't exist. Just do something. Go for a walk. Do something. Beside the point, it you need to and you need to have a reason why. My reason behind not wanting to be fat, morbidly obese, out of shape, blob, is I want to throw a football with my great-grandkids in the front yard when I'm 80. Like that's what I want to be able to do. That's my that's my goal. How am I gonna reach that? So don't get don't get don't get fat. Be able to do that later. No, that's good. Now, whatever your whatever your goal is there, maybe it's not even fitness related. I don't I don't care what it is, it's just an easy thing to reference, honestly. But whatever it is, like it it uh instead of saying I'm gonna I'm gonna pray more, be more specific with it. I'm gonna spend the first 20 minutes of my day in prayer or reading a devotional, whatever it is, praying.

Devin 43:16

Yeah, I mean, so when you break it down, you're talking about being able to make your goals measurable. Um, like you just said, write them down. Yeah, review them. What's the acronym with smart goals? I don't remember. Hold on. While you're getting that pulled up, I I want to make this point here. Um the thing about goals is they're gonna they're gonna change. So you have to review them weekly. You need to celebrate your progress, absolutely. Um, I I started the year, you know. For me, uh my first goal was 20 pounds. Uh that that's what I wanted. And I gave myself a half a year to do it. And now it took me a little bit longer, but at the beginning of the year, I weighed 288. Whenever I checked in last week, I was 268. Bam, goal achieved. High five. High five to myself? Oh, wait. To you? Okay, sorry.

Jon 44:04

Never mind. You left me hanging. All right, cool. So SMART goals. We're talking about specific. SMART's an acronym. Specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Now, the the achievable one's the only one I ever remember because I disagree with it. Yes, your goal should be achievable, but I think you should also I think it should be a I think you should set goals a little bit above what you think you're capable of, especially if it's something physical, because your body is capable of far more than you think it is. Yeah. Your mind's what's holding you back. But I'll say achievable with an asterisk, but specific, measurable, achievable, relevant. It's gotta be relevant to whatever the mission is and time bound, meaning uh a deadline, a target date, something.

Devin 44:53

Exactly. And and here's the thing, I missed mine, uh, but that's okay. Guess what? The goal was still achieved of losing 20 pounds. The next goal, so I'm so I'm sitting right now at 268. The next goal is to get down sub 245. By when? End of the year.

Jon 45:07

Okay.

Devin 45:09

If I do that, I will have lost 43 pounds in 2026. Good job. So that's that's the goal.

Jon 45:15

Dude, aim for 42.

Devin 45:17

Why?

Jon 45:17

That's the meaning of the universe.

Devin 45:19

42 pounds? All right, don't worry.

Jon 45:21

No, the number 42. All right, 42 pounds. Isn't it like some supercomputer that spits that out one time or something?

Devin 45:25

You mean 242? What? Do you want me to lose 42 pounds or 242? Get down to the weight 242.

Jon 45:31

Either one's fine, I think.

Devin 45:32

Alright, fine. Um so let's let's kind of put a bow

SMART Goals And The Four Goal Challenge

Devin 45:36

on this, right? Um our our our challenge, so to speak, for you guys is set one goal in each of the four areas: spiritual, physical, family, work, workslash finances.

Jon 45:47

Whatever it is, no matter how small, no matter how how rush you think you can't do it.

Devin 45:53

Set a spiritual goal, set a physical goal, set a goal for your family, and a goal for your finances. Right. And my wife and I's uh goal this year, we've been married coming up on we've been married eight and a half years. Uh, and our and our goal this year was we said we wanted to date more than in the last two years combined. Why? Because three years ago we became parents, and that's typically when people stop dating. We set the stage that after our second was born, we were gonna go on dates way more often. Um we tracked it, we went back through and was able to track the number of dates that we had last year. Um we we had eight, and that was pitiful. That is pretty pathetic. Uh we were at eight by the end of March. That's good of this year. Yeah. So um the the year before, we we the number, the magic number this year was 19 to get through. That's a little, you know, it's almost two a month. Um and and I think where we're we're sitting now in August, and I think we're at 15.

Jon 46:56

Yeah.

Devin 46:56

So I mean, we're gonna hit that. We're gonna crush that goal.

Jon 46:59

Babysitters are cheaper than divorce.

Devin 47:02

You should get that alike on a shirt, man.

Jon 47:04

I mean babysitters. That should be that should be some 16-year-olds uh that wants to babysit, some 16-year-old girl that wants to babysitter.

Devin 47:12

Yeah, just tell people that what a business plan.

Jon 47:15

I I know it. I know she's not old enough. No. I I know 45 bucks for a few hours for a couple hours. I don't know how much a babysitter is. I don't ever have to have one. But regardless, I I know it's expensive, but I'm cheaper than divorce. So that's right.

Devin 47:31

Set one goal though in those four areas. Um and this is really something that as as we were getting ready for this episode, that the Lord really impressed upon my heart. So I'm just gonna read you guys this uh and I want you to marinate on it. Don't become the kind of man who accomplishes impressive goals but neglects what matters the most. Success is not measured by what you've accumulated. Rather, it is measured by who you're becoming. Your goals need to be set that shape your character, that strengthen your family, and that honor God. Because ultimately that's what an uncommon man pursues.

Jon 48:13

Yep. Now, and I'll I'll say too, before you set your four goals. Uh maybe you already have some goals in these areas. If you do create if you have a if you have a goal for work and finances, uh set one for the other three. Have one at least in all these areas. Don't don't set goals willy-nilly. There has to be a reason for that goal to exist. And we mentioned earlier We mentioned earlier that the discipline wasn't enough. However, the discipline is required in order to achieve that goal. To do what you need to do every day to work towards that goal.

Devin 49:01

That's right. And on that note, I'm just praying get out of here. Father, we love you. God, thank you so much for your power, your presence. God, thank you so much that you have plans for each one of our lives, God. And your word tells us that there are plans uh not to harm us, but to prosper. God, I pray for every person under their under the sound of my voice listening to this. God, that you help empower them and encourage them on ways and areas to be able to set goals for their lives, to be able to accomplish the mission that you have set forth, what their purpose is. God, I pray that you give them strength on the days they can't do it anymore. Would you pick them up and carry them? Let them know you're still God of the universe, you still love them, that it's never too late and they're never too far. God, we love you, we thank you. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

Jon 49:54

Thanks for listening. Remember to like, share, and subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy this, please pass it along. You can follow us on Instagram at uncommon.man or reach out at theuncommonman.podcast at gmail.com. Keep pursuing excellence and above all, pursue Christ.