The Uncommon Man
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The Uncommon Man
18. You're Not Just Losing Your Temper, You're Losing Their Trust — Anger and the Uncommon Man
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In this episode, we get personal about one of the most common and most destructive emotions men face - anger. Real stories, a breakdown of why anger is a leadership issue, and a dig into Romans 12:1-2 on what it actually means to renew your mind.
Welcome And Life Updates
JonWelcome to the Uncommon Man podcast. We're your host. I'm John. Devin. That was a loud slurp. I'm so sorry. It's delicious coffee, though. I'm glad you like it.
DevinYeah, I got I got my little roll tied mug right here that uh stole from you that I think is probably gonna somehow find its way into my car later. It won't. Um you're there with your COVID mug. But anyways, uh yeah, um my name's Devin Jeffries, uh, one of your one of your hosts here for the Uncommon Map podcast. Excited to be back. Episode 18. Right? Yes, can tell you don't pay attention. You know what? You do I I look, I come up with the stuff, you edit the stuff, post the stuff, and then that's it. That's right. Amen, brother. How's your weight been, bud? Long, yeah, very long, but good. Well, you're still six feet above ground. And um yeah. I mean, I don't know, are you six foot tall? Because you're kind of short. I'm not. You're not? No. Dang. Have you ever sat in a chair and had your feet sway below you? You know what I'm talking about? Not since I was a kid. Oh man. I mean bar stools, I guess, but well, it's great to be back here. Um doing this with you is is truly something that I know brings you and I both a lot of joy uh to be able to do this for for our listeners. So uh despite everything that you know you and I both have going on in our lives, uh well, you're not trying to plan a wedding, your fiance is, but um you you've got a wedding coming up. Um me and my wife are currently looking for the next Jeffrey's house.
JonYeah. And um speaking of, we gotta get them, we gotta get a move on with the with the with the wedding.
DevinBrother, let me let me give you the best piece of advice.
JonWe're moving in a month.
DevinUh I well, yeah, you do kind of get a get a move on. Uh listen, just say the right name, um wear what she tells you to wear and be there early. That's all you gotta do. That's literally it. You cannot screw this up.
JonI mean, I don't think I would screw it up anyway, but all right, thanks.
DevinAll right. Well, anyway, so we are here with another episode here for you tonight. Um when we dive into this podcast, and as I pray about and John prays about the things that that it is that we want to talk about, we'll we'll spend a good like hour sometimes uh just coming up with you know kind of how the episode's gonna look and what we want it to to sound like. And in this case, this was something that I felt like had been brewing for a little bit, where you and I were going to kind of peel back the the onion a little bit about you know some of the things that we each deal with. Um and so in this episode, you're gonna hear John and I get very um personal with regards to some some issues that we've struggled with in our lives, um, maybe how we've overcome it, uh, and then or how we're still trying to overcome it to this day. And then uh we'll end in in talking about
Romans 12 And The Mind
Devinsomething that Paul wrote in Romans chapter 12 uh that deals a lot with it. So um yeah.
JonWell you might as well start off with Romans chapter 12, verse 12. Romans chapter 12. And we're we'll go back into it again at the end. We'll book into it.
DevinRomans chapter 12, verse 1 and 2 is where we're gonna kind of camp out here. It says, Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship. Now, this particular verse is obviously talking about the way that we we are in our bodies, that our body is a temple of the Father. That's something that Paul was referencing there. But check out where he continues to go. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, his pleasing, and his perfect will. And I think for for a lot of people, we tend to skim over verse two. Like I realize it's kind of popular, but verse one's a little bit more popular, especially whenever you know pastors talk about, you know, how how we do our. I I feel like that, but I could be dead wrong there. But what when we break down what kind of what Paul's saying, and we'll do that a little bit later, but when you break it down and he's talking about the renewal of your mind, that's a process, and part of that process is learning to deal with our emotions. Right. Um, what is John? Just a a quick question. What is probably the craziest thing that you've ever gotten, like full like you legit you got mad about it.
JonLike something really stupid I got mad about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh I mean there's been there's been plenty. Um, gotten I gotta I'll have to think about it for a second because it's been a I mean I've gotten I've gotten upset about stupid things plenty in the recent years, I guess. But it's been a while since I've got like truly irate about something insanely stupid.
DevinIt ain't even gotta be irate. Like you you got bothered by something and you were like, why am I even mad about this? This
Small Triggers Reveal Big Anger
Devinis dumb. I'm dumb.
JonOkay, okay, here we go. Laura, I'm sorry. I love you. Oh god. The she is every time. Hold on. Are you sure you want to go down the trail? Yeah, we had this conversation about it. Um every single time. Well, not every single time, almost every single time I've been at her house and used the bathroom, the toilet paper holder is empty and the toilet paper is sitting on top of it. How hard is it? I know, right?
DevinSeriously.
JonNow, so what I did uh a week or so ago, uh-huh. I don't think she knows this actually. Um I took the I took the empty one off because usually, especially if I'm, you know, gonna be in the bathroom for a minute. Sure, you're gonna scroll in about a dog, I guess. Scrolling through YouTube, um, or Instagram or whatever. Um I I usually just swap it out and I move on with my day. But over time over the past, I don't know, ten months or whatever we've been dating, year, something like that. I uh it's probably something you should know. It doesn't matter. But uh I took the empty, the empty one and I put it in our makeup bag. And then like and then like two hours later, I was like, that was that was dumb. There's no reason. It really was. I don't think she ever saw it. I took it out like two hours later and threw it in the trash. I was like, that was dumb. That was petty, petty John. It was, and I came in that moment, I came to the realization that whatever, this is my life.
DevinOkay, but would you agree with me in saying this that people that do it with the when you so for those normal people that do put it the it is it over or is it under? Like in my opinion, psychopath the toilet paper?
JonYeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you have cats, it's under. Apparently, I don't have cats. I I go psychopaths, psychopaths do under, normal people do over. Or if you have cats that like to play with the toilet paper, that makes sense. That's that's actually functional. Well, I still think it goes psychotic. But I I mentioned that one specifically because that's the type of thing five, six years ago that I would have lost it.
DevinLost your mind over. Wow. I would have lost my mind. That's hilarious. Yeah. So uh I I mean, I don't think that I really have one that I've absolutely just gotten mad about. Um, I can tell you this when Britney and I were were uh engaged, I think we were a handful of months out from the wedding. Uh she had come over to what is the house we still live in today. And uh, I mean, we had bought the house, but she had not moved in yet because you know we weren't married. And um, she came over one time and I had left my my towel from that morning shower on the bed by accident, and she got absolutely irate with me because I left a wet towel on the bed. And I'm like, you're not even sleeping in the bed right now. Why don't you just calm down? Big mistake. All right, I wasn't married yet, right? You never tell big mistake. Is that is that the moment you learned that lesson? It was at that moment I knew I screwed up. Yes. So um, yeah, and then I mean, she sent me to the store one time, uh, not long after we had got married and told me to buy toilet paper. And I bought like the absolute cheapest worst toilet paper that you ever could. My dad got a John Wayne toilet paper because it don't take crap off nobody. And um, true story, the one and only time that my wife has ever cursed at me when she asked me what in the actual did I buy. So like we still laugh about it to this day. Um, but yeah, so I think it's funny that both of the things we we get upset about involve rump ribbon. So it is a little bit funny.
JonThat's weird, anyways. That being said, I I'm not gonna get upset about the I made a choice. It's just weird. Like, how do you not gonna get upset about it?
DevinIt's not that hard. You take it out, you put throw the old role, you put the new one on.
JonThis isn't difficult, and not not to dwell on it. I think that irritates me the most about it is that the new role is sitting on sitting on the oh yeah. No, no, like what are you I mean that's like you've made that is the only thing.
DevinOkay, we've spent enough time talking about uh toilet paper.
JonYeah, anger.
DevinSo we're going well, yeah. Let's let's discuss anger a little bit. Um because I think this is something I anger is one uh one of, in my opinion, one of the top two, maybe even three, of most common emotion that men feel. The problem is this the difference between the common man and the uncommon man and how they deal with their anger is
Leading Without Fear At Home
Devinwhat is drastically different. Yeah. And so, um I for example, I I I've I had a wife, uh, I'm I'm friends with the with the husband in this couple. And the wife came to me and she was talking, she was just we were in a public setting, like there's nothing weird or anything like that going on. But she that she came to me and she said um that she had been praying about something. And I said, Oh, cool. Have you prayed with him about this? And she said, Oh no, he would freak. I said, What are you talking about? And she goes, No, I can't I can't expect I I can't go to him about this. And I went, hold the phone. Wait, wait just a second. You're married to this man, right? She goes, right. I said, you trust this man with your life, right? Right. You have your kids with this man, right? Right. But you won't go to him and talk about this. I don't understand that. I said, you gotta help me make this make sense. And I and that's whenever I remember bringing it up to Brittany later, and she was like, Oh, yeah, no, there's a lot of things that women will not go to their husbands about because they're absolutely terrified of the way they're gonna react. And I'm like, that's a sta that that's a huge freaking problem. Yeah, it absolutely is. We cannot have that. That's a lack of leadership, is whatever. That is a complete lack of leadership in the family. Your wife does not need to have something that she is scared to go to you about. And if you disagree with me, argue with a wall. Yeah, she there is no way, shape, form, or fashion that that should be the case.
JonYeah. One of the biggest I'm gonna call it a I'm gonna call it a flex of a good leader is when they don't get angry when things go wrong. Okay, there's one person in particular I know when something bad is happening, I can go it's it's my boss. He's he's he's a leader. He really is. He's awesome. I am very fortunate. Um, if something's going wrong, even if it's an expensive something's going wrong, even if it's whatever. It's gotta be real bad for him to get irritated and to to even show it just a little bit. He we goes we go straight to wow, that's really inconvenient. How are we gonna solve this? Straight into problems.
DevinNo wonder you like this guy because that's literally a page out of your playbook. Remember, I've joked with you before that I could call you and be like, John, I lost my business, I lost my house, I lost everything. And your response would be like, that sucks. And then ask you what you're gonna do.
JonAnd then you would move on.
DevinSo did you get a job or yeah, so like what are you gonna do? Yeah, that would be you.
JonWhereas me, apparently, I would give them for the record, that's not quite true. You're grossly over-exaggerating. But 100% the when you fly off the handle about things like that, you're not you're not leading. We've talked about leading your family, you've talked about leading your wife. That's that is the opposite.
DevinThat's leading in fear, is what that is. It is, and the problem is this when you lead in fear, that's the ultimate sign. No, no, no, no. Like you've made them scared to come to you about something. I'll give you a great example.
JonI see what you mean. I I was I was about to say leading in fear is not really leading, but I know what you mean.
DevinThat's absolutely piss poor leadership. Yeah, all right. But I'll give you a great example. Um, I I used to really have this big issue with um, I don't want to say like clinging to every penny that was made or anything like that, because uh it wasn't that bad, but I I I I did worry and and get angry about finances quite a bit. And believe it or not, that is, I believe that's the number one thing that most couples fight about is finances. And I remember one time my wife came to me and she said, I wanted to buy you, oh, I know what it was. She wanted to buy me a storage thing for for my truck, for the bed of my truck. And storage thing? Yeah, you know, you know the little things that like it goes in the full length of the bed and then you can pull out Oh like the drawer stuff. The door she wanted to buy one system or something. Yeah, she wanted to buy me one and she was like, but I knew you would freak out. I knew you would get mad about how expensive they are if I bought you that. And I said, Is that what I've done? She said, What do you mean? I said, Have I created an atmosphere as your husband where you're scared to come to me about financial things? And when she answered that question truthfully, I looked her dead in the face with tears and my eyes, and I said, I'm sorry. I never ever want to be that husband to you. Yeah, I want to be a better version of that. I need to be a better version of that.
JonI smell a segue. Where did that come from? What the the fear or the the the financial aspect of it?
DevinOh, 100% my father.
JonOkay.
DevinLike that was like like I I in other words, I picked that up uh from him.
JonWhat how do you mean though, like it's a learned behavior, but you're worried about it, right?
DevinYeah, it is a learned behavior, but whenever I say like I would get angry about it, it's because I would always feel like that money could but could have been put to a better use. Okay.
JonI thought we were about to segue into anxiety really smoothly there. Never mind. My bad. Well, I mean, we still can, but uh So is so is and is anxiety something is money something that you have anxiety about?
Devin100%.
JonOkay.
DevinThat's that's all especially in in in that if I'm I wanted to use this episode and and I told John this before we we came in here and hit record, was I said I wanted to open up about my struggles with anxiety because I know I'm not the only one. All right. But and and I will that, yes, that is something that that that I that I do struggle with. But before we do that, okay, let me, you know, put it in reverse, Terry. All right, all right, put it in reverse, Terry, because I've got something with your with with the anger side, uh that some questions for you that I wanted to ask you. Okay. Okay. Right. Um when you talk about anger and and how you deal with it, tell me of a time where look, everybody can say, I wished I'd done this differently, right? I want to know about a time where you were like, No, I handled this the right way. Like a thing that I handle the right way? It can be a thing that you handle the right
How To Catch Anger Early
Devinway. It can be, you know, maybe how you learn to control your anger. Okay.
JonI can tell you about that. Yeah, yeah, go for it. So, and I think this is probably the case with a lot of people that struggle, like actually sh have a have a a struggle with their anger. You can sometimes fly off the handle, I guess we'll call it, and not even realize it until after the fact. And I had some very wise counsel who had been had a lot of the the same life experiences as me. Different and some the same. But regardless, he understood exactly where where I was at better than I did. He told me where I was at. Like it was kind of weird, but he understood exactly where I was at. And he helped me to figure out how to get that under control before it happens. So what what happened was I would get mad about something, whatever it was, and I would be like top of paper being on top of the roll.
DevinI'm sorry.
JonThat would be the only time I would care. I would get mad about something.
DevinLaura's gonna kill me.
JonAnd I would realize after I was like, I got mad about that, that was really dumb. That, that was a huge step. Just realizing that I had just done something or said something or whatever that I should not have said, and understanding why I shouldn't have said it. And that's that's case-dependent in in a lot of situations. But and eventually you catch it quicker and quicker and quicker until you catch it when you're in the middle of it. Say the first time that happened, lived in Virginia, standing in the doorway. It wasn't really a doorway, it was like this open sort of not open concept, but there was like just this big doorway thing. Anyway, between my kitchen and my living room, I was standing right there. I started speaking and I stopped dead in the middle of my sentence. And I was like, and then like 20 minutes later, I was like, oh crap, I did it. Oh crap, I did it. It took me like from beginning of this journey with um, he was he was he was a pastor. He was my pastor in Virginia. Um beginning to end of this beginning to this point in the journey. That was probably like three months or something like that. And eventually someone told me that anger is a choice. To to some extent, I agree with that. What really anger is a choice. Anger, how we think about it, how we normally view it is a choice. Really, the choice is the decisions you make after you feel angry. Like if someone kills your dog, you're not just you're probably you're gonna feel some type of way about it. It's whether or not you act on that emotion. And there's some people that could watch someone kill their dog, maybe they're heartless, I don't know, but they could watch someone kill their dog and just show zero emotions. They're super stoic as to say. But and I'm not saying you have to do that, but it's it is the decisions we make when we have those emotions is what is really what matters.
DevinYeah, I think you have to look at what when you lose control of the anger and air quote lose your temper. What is the damage that's done?
JonCelebrate recovery, they have the uh what is the serenity prayer? Uh-huh. And part of that, I don't remember the whole thing. Don't don't get don't catch me trying to quote that. But it was it's something like um help me to to control the things that I can and um not con or not worry about the things that I can't control and the wisdom to know the difference, something like that.
DevinNo, you actually got that right. Yeah.
JonYeah, it's you're good. I probably got some of the words wrong. Doesn't matter. There are things in your life that you can control. There are things in your life that you can't control. Simply realizing that somebody hitting your mailbox is completely out of your control. Yeah. There is nothing that you can do about it. The world does not care if you get mad about it. The this big blue ball will keep spinning, whether you get mad or not. Yep. What who will care is your family, your kids that you do it in front of, and they grow up seeing that, and they think that's normal. They mimic it. Exactly. They grow up, they're 25, and they're screaming at the mailman because he didn't bring their I don't know. I'm just making stuff up.
DevinHe didn't close the the door on the mailbox. Right. So so what you're saying is when you lose control of that of that situation, or another way that everybody has always heard it put, you lose your temper, that it affects more people than just you. Absolutely. It's also a poor reflection of leadership uh of yourself over your family. Absolutely. Have you ever heard of the the fence lesson? The father and the son in the fence lesson? Maybe. Good. So there was a father and a son, and the father would have his son hammer nails into a fence every time he loses his temper. Well, for those of us that haven't, I was just telling you, I haven't. Okay, good. So he would have his son hammer nails into a fence every time he loses his temper. As the boy learns to control his anger, he gets to remove the nails. So as he was, as you just said a second ago, stopping in mid-sentence. Okay. Um, for a lot of people, it's take a deep breath. That's something I literally teach my three-year-old when she's getting in her fills. Baby, stop, take a deep breath. And she'll and guess what? Nine out of ten times that anger and that frustration and that emotion that she's feeling is beginning to dissipate. Um, as the boy learns to control his anger, he can remove the nails. Well, one day the little boy went outside and he said, Dad, uh, there's there's no more nails in this fence. What do you what do I do? The father then takes a son over to the fence and he says, Son, the holes still remain. This is to prove the point that angry words will leave lasting scars.
JonThey do. They do.
DevinIt's frequently used. This type of a story is frequently used to emphasize that it's easier to control your anger than it is to repair the damage.
JonOh, absolutely. Now, there you reminded me of something there
Habits That Renew Your Mind
Jonthat I did that I failed to mention a few minutes ago. And there's there's two two things on this that I want to mention. Um one, you said the deep breaths. I didn't mention any any actual methods. Any methods that I did when I would get angry. Um running helped a lot. And I'm gonna tell you this the only reason I have ever run when I wasn't being forced to was because I hate it. Oh wow. I ran. I if if you ever see me running, it's because I I don't run very often. If I I get into certain seasons of life where I need to, because it does something to me mentally that is very it's very beneficial. Yeah. I hate it, I hate it. Yeah, you're telling me you you run through the what do they call it, the glass wall, glass, I don't know, whatever. You get you get a little bit of a runner's high. Yeah, and then it's for one for one, that's a little euphoric, but the way you feel afterwards, it's the way you think, you clear your mind. Oh yeah. But and it and it's something I would do do from time to time because it it's a well, it's a discipline. Absolutely discipline. So I believe there's somebody or other, I don't remember, somebody or other said disciplines doing the things you hate doing, but doing it like you love it.
DevinYeah, so that was actually something that I read that back in January, and um I I have made myself at least every day this year, is some of you know, I started on uh I won't I I hate this term, but uh I I started exercising uh back in January, and um the reason why was because I started to force myself to literally do one thing every single day that I hated. Like I freaking hate running, but I still go. And you're right, I do feel better. But the thing about it is is when we're talking about methods, first off, doing something that you hate doing and then doing it like you love it, it builds a ton of character.
JonNow, now, in in context, don't do literally anything that you hate doing because you hate it. Do something that's beneficial for you.
DevinYeah, do something that's healthy for you, right? But you know, things like going for a run, taking a deep breath, or hey, here's a crazy abstract novel idea. Turn on some worship music. I don't know about you, but I've never I I can't be in a bad mood and listen to worship music. Do people hate that? Well, what I'm saying. What I'm saying is like it's so obvious. Okay, but a lot of people miss it. Like, if if if I'm in a bad mood or whatever, and I turn on worship, I'm not in a bad mood for very much longer.
JonSo speaking of that, and the other thing I wanted to mention, and this up this applies to all emotions, really. Why do you even get angry to begin with? Why what so we realize we have no control over the world around us? Why in the world would we get angry about someone running over our mailbox?
DevinI think for a lot of people it's it is a natural reaction to a lot of things. And I have always said this. This is something that I heard actually, my sister-in-law taught me this at a younger age. She said, we can never control our first thought. You can control your first uh action and every thought after that. Correct. And so, if for example, if I tell you um that, John, I killed your dog, you don't even have a dog, but it, you know, if I did, uh, John, I killed your dog, your first thought, maybe you son of a and like you, like you're mad at me, you hate me, and whatever. Your first action is what you can control. You cannot control how that first thought hits. My wife and I are looking for a house right now. We find a house that I absolutely love. She does not. She comes to me, she's like, I don't like this house. My first thought is too dang bad. Get the heck over it. My first action is let's discuss this. What do you not like about it?
JonThat being said, the more that's not quite what I was getting at. I'm sorry. But back it up, Terry. But on that note, the more you practice taking your thoughts captive, the more that first thought won't be something like that. That's good. So there's that. Anyway, that's good. We we experience emotions because we make judgments about how we think the world around us should behave. We believe that the drunk idiot driving through our neighborhood should not run over our mailbox. Are we correct? Yeah, I mean, yeah, probably. But we make judgments about it. And when things don't go the way we think they should go, when things don't happen the way When other people don't behave the way you think they should. Or when things don't happen the way we it should, or when things do happen, things that are completely outside of our control, we get mad about it, or we get upset about it. We get I don't know. I think it's because you get sad about it. You get pick the same.
DevinThe average man, though, I think I think just loves the power of control.
JonI think they're hooked to it. No, that's 100%. I said no. I meant yes. There I said it in a set it in the way a female would.
DevinI know. Well, you had to do was add liking. You were golden.
JonWe'll go with that. You were you were correct in your statement previously. I'm gonna cut this out.
DevinI love you, bud.
JonAnyway. What'd you say a second ago?
DevinUh I don't remember. I don't either. But like you said, so where you were finishing was we get mad when other things don't behave or or other people don't behave or act or say or do something that we're gonna do.
JonYour emotions only happen to begin with because you made judgments about the world around you already. And you're right, it is a natural thing to do, like you said a few minutes ago. Okay, so is what's natural for your two-year-old. Three-year-old, but yeah, throw a fit. I didn't I'm sorry, I didn't mean your two-year-old, I meant oh your two-year-old in general, right? It it doesn't, it's not acceptable when they're five or six. It's a hundred percent not acceptable when they're 25 or 26.
DevinWhat's funny is my daughter tells me now, not acceptable. So hilarious. If I if I tell her, I'm like, um, baby, we don't scream at daddy, she goes, not acceptable. And I'm like, yeah, yes, Ariel. Okay. Um that's hilarious. Yeah, it might be a natural reaction that doesn't make it okay. No. And you can't, we what we have to get away from is, in my opinion, is saying things like, well, that's just the way that they are, or whatever, like that. I think that that's a very dangerous slippery slippery slope to go down. Uh, whenever it comes to managing your anger and controlling it, I think what we have to do a better job of is first off, if that's something you struggle with, ask the Lord to deliver you from that, from that spirit of anger, that spirit of fear, um, and and and truly seek and read. What does the Bible have to say about it? What is it because I mean the Bible talks about anger quite a bit. Be slow to anger, right? Right. Um, even in Romans, to be transformed by the renewal of your mind. In other words, this you cannot behave and act when your mind is not rooted in the things of God, and then wonder why you don't respond and react in the way that a man of God would. Right. Or should.
JonWhen things do happen, you act in a wise manner and you stop. The part of the reason taking a deep breath helps is because you physically pause.
DevinGo back to what that's do not conform to the pattern of this world. Think about how much you as a man would stand out and be different if you did not react and respond the way the average common person would. I mean, if that was a hat, you'd stick out like a sore thumb.
JonYeah, absolutely. Like if everybody had red and blue hats and the blue hats don't get angry. Like you stick out like a sore thumb.
DevinBut be transformed. When we're talking about transformed, we're not talking about the cars and transformers. We're talking about being transformed. I really thought that was a good one. Sorry. Uh to being transformed by the renewal of your mind. What does it mean to be renewed? It means that it's something that's brand new. It's something that was, that was dirty, that was old, that was uh rotted, that was whatever you want to say, and then now it's new, it's shiny, it's pretty, right? To be transformed by the renewal of your mind. And understand this when we're talking about renewal of your mind, it is a daily process, man. Renewing your mind is a daily process. Yeah, it is not something that is going to happen overnight. You are still going to get angry about stupid stuff. It's going to happen.
JonCase in point. Remember, I said I remember the moment where I caught myself in the middle of a sentence? Yeah. Fast forward, I don't know, a year. And I went through a little a little season there where I wasn't catching myself getting irritated about things. I wasn't necessarily yelling and throwing a fit about anything. But I was I was very visibly irritated about certain things. Yeah. And I had I had to I had to check myself on that.
DevinThat's right. Well, I think that I think that's a good one to to put a pin in here for for
Parenting, Grace, And Next Steps
Devinanger. Yeah. And what what what I think we'll do is let's let's save the anxiety for the next episode. All right. And and as we do that, um I I will open up and share a little bit more about my struggles uh as far as like how I've dealt with anxiety. John, I want to thank you. Um real quick.
JonYeah. Early I didn't say it earlier because I didn't quite remember, but I Googled it while you were talking. What I said about your judgments of the world around you. Um I the direct quote itself here didn't come up. Uh never mind. Yes, it did. Thank you, Reddit. Epictetus. It's not things that upset us, but our judgment about things. That's what I that's what I was getting.
DevinAnd understanding this, uh I love that I love the way that you put that though. It's it's our it's our understanding of things. Read that again.
JonUh the quote is it's not things that upset us, but our judgments about things. We have preconceived judgments about the world around us. Yes, we do.
DevinAnd when things don't go our way, we have And I and I think you also have to remember what we get angry about it. That's right. I think you also have to remember whenever it comes to people and other people's actions, um it's important to remember lost people will behave like lost people. Yeah. Okay. So people who are far from God are gonna behave like people who are far from God. Yeah. Okay. So it doesn't matter. Look, it means that they need they need some they need a little extra dash of grace in their coffee.
JonSpeaking of, if you if you have a kid, if you have a little kid that you get angry at, they're kids. They're gonna behave like kids. They're little. Stop and remember how little they are. If you have a little puppy at home, it's gonna behave like a puppy. There's no point in getting mad about it. It doesn't know why you're mad. It's just being a puppy.
DevinYou're telling this guy that got upset yesterday with his three-year-old because she almost broke his sunglasses. Yes, that would be me. All right. So, I mean, guilty as charged, right? But also, like you said, uh our our kids, like our I've said this before, especially in my in my fatherhood group, that I your kids are watching you like a movie. They're watching for how you respond and react. Son, your sons are watching and learning from their dads how to treat a woman, and vice versa, all right, with daughters. And the thing about it is we have to remember, much like the whole the the nails in the fence and the holes, the damage is still there.
JonYeah.
DevinBut it's always much easier to learn to control your anger than it is to repair the damage.
JonNow, that being said, if you've already damaged people in your life, it's never too late. It's not, it's that's that does not mean that you can't, that it can't be. I won't say completely healed, right? Depending it depends on the data. It depends on the situation. It completely depends. However, you you do still need to, you do still need to work on it.
DevinYeah, absolutely. To work to fill those holes. Yeah. Because they they can be filled. John, I want to commend you, brother. Um it it's not easy for us to talk about our struggles for for us as men. Uh it's I think full disclosure, that one's not that hard for me. But well, no, but I mean, you did say you were like, Yeah, no, anger's something I've dealt with, and I think they need to hear about it. So um it's not easy though to share those things. Um Yeah, I I Googled earlier.
JonUh what did I say? 60% of men deal with anger. I I think they mean like really bad anger issues.
DevinYeah, really, really bad anger issues.
JonBut I feel like just ask yourself I feel like there's more married couples out there than not whose wives are afraid to go to them with something.
DevinYeah, ask yourself this. Have I created an environment of my home to which there is an open conversation type of type of a policy? That your kids are not scared to go talk to dad about something.
JonRight.
DevinThat your wife is not scared to come talk to you about. Have you created that environment in your home? Because according to the Bible, the man is the spiritual leader of the household. Meaning this, man, it is your job, it is your responsibility to provide and create that atmosphere that is welcoming and inviting for everybody in and around your life. Be like Jesus. That's right. What would Jesus do?
JonGood God of my God. Get you a WWJD bracelet. Where did those go? I think they I think they died along with the 90s and the early 2000s. God gummit, man. Yeah. We need to bring it back. I mean, go for it, dude.
DevinDo you want to pray us out?
JonSure.
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JonHeavenly Father, thank you so much again for another day. Thank you for the conversation we just had. May it help somebody out there somehow, some way. Maybe may they find it at the moment they need to in their life. Thank you so much for everything that you do for us. Thank you for the opportunity to have conversations like this. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Thanks for listening. Remember to like, share, and subscribe. If you know someone who would enjoy this, please pass it along. You can follow us on Instagram at uncommon.man or reach out at theuncommonman.com. Keep pursuing excellence, and above all, pursue back.